


mask

by aurumbee



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, M/M, This is really sad, Violence, also i love johnny i'm sorry, but they are there for like two seconds, huge tw for violence, so whatever, there are more relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:08:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23569594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurumbee/pseuds/aurumbee
Summary: Everyone admired them for their relationship.Doyoung wished he could tell them.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 9
Kudos: 91





	mask

**Author's Note:**

> hi
> 
> first of all: TRIGGER WARNING for violence and abusive relationships, please don't read this if these are sensitive topics for you.
> 
> So, this is my first fic here on ao3, so please be nice!  
> I'm in no way, shape or form trying to romanticize what happens in this fic, it is a serious matter that I wish no one ever has to go through in their lives.  
> My first language is not English, and I'm doing my best to improve, so if you wanna point out any mistakes I've made, feel free to do it!

Doyoung came out of the dressing room with unsure steps, stopping in front of his group of friends. Their whistles and praises brought laughter from him, who felt safe and confident for the first time in a while. His body felt complete with it, and the mere thought of getting married wearing the suit made him giggle in excitement.

“What do you guys think?” he asked, striking a weird pose.

“This is my favorite one so far.” Jungwoo smiled, shooting him a thumbs up, followed by Sicheng, sitting next to him.

“This is the one, Dons.” Yuta nodded, letting his eyes travel up and down shamelessly “It's perfect.”

“If you don't choose this one, I refuse to be your best man.” Jaehyun said, standing up alongside his boyfriend.

“Okay, this is it then.” Doyoung smiled brightly as he turned to the mirror. Something in the delicateness of the white fabric accentuated all the positive points of his body. It made him shiver in anticipation.

He went back to the fitting room, handing the suit over to the saleswoman as the group followed her to the front of the store. He felt Taeyong's gaze weight on him as he left the building, linking arms with him.

“Johnny paid for this, didn’t he?”

“Yes, he insisted.” His heart accelerated at the mention of his lover’s name, but his expression remained calm.

“You are a lucky man, Doyoung.” He was met with a warm smile and two pats on his back. Before he could answer, Taeyong let go of his arm and walked up to Yuta, laughing at his boyfriend’s antics with his friends.

Doyoung smiled, nodding weakly even though his friend was no longer paying attention to him. He took his phone out of his pocket, biting his bottom lip upon reading the notifications.

**_J ❤️_ **

_ I bet the suit you chose is beautiful. _

_ It better be, you need to be perfect. The day needs to be perfect. _

**_D ❤️_ **

_ It's perfect, you'll love it. _

_ I had you in mind when trying it on. _

Doyoung put the phone away, focusing his attention on his friends. Jungwoo sulked while Yuta laughed out loud. Squished in between them listening to their bickering, Doyoung felt safe.

Doyoung wished he could tell them.

-

“I'm so excited, I've never been to a wedding before.” 

Renjun practically beamed next to Jeno. The couple's clasped hands waved back and forth, and Doyoung couldn’t help but smile. He had missed his brother and having lunch together at one of Renjun's, his brother’s boyfriend, favorite restaurants seemed to be a good opportunity to talk to him.

“It was about time, Hyung is almost middle-aged!” Jeno giggled at his own joke, letting go of his boyfriend's hands to dodge Doyoung’s arms trying to hit him.

“I’m 26, not 50!” He muttered, crossing his arms “You're one to talk,  _ Mr. 22 is an acceptable age for a teenager! _ ’’

‘’Wow, Renjunnie, isn’t this weird? There's a mummy talking to us!” This time Jeno wasn’t able to avoid getting hit, but he laughed anyway, squeezing Renjun’s hand.

Despite Doyoung's false irritation, the conversation went on. Not only did Jeno and Renjun look good together, but they also completed each other. Doyoung loved to watch them talk, feeling his chest warm-up whenever Jeno stared at Renjun with hearts in his eyes. He thought of his fiancé, and how they exchanged the same affectionate looks in the past. His heart rattled inside his chest. 

They were almost at the restaurant when the familiar ringtone he had put on especially for Johnny started ringing. He answered the phone cautiously.

“You forgot your folder here, love.” His raspy voice gave away that he had probably just woken up “Don’t you have an important meeting today? You should go back and get it.” Johnny laughed softly “What would you do without me, huh?”

Doyoung bit his lower lip. He hadn't even thought about the folder, too immersed in fixing things from the wedding and having lunch with Jeno. 

“Thanks for reminding me, honey.’’ He waved at the couple “I'm coming back to get it, I'll be there soon.” He reassured Johnny, before saying goodbye. “Guys, I'm really sorry, Johnny just warned me that I forgot a super important folder at home and I can't go to work without it. I know you have to go back to class, so you can go, we can reschedule.” His smile couldn’t hide the sadness in his voice.”

“It’s okay, Hyung, it happens.” Jeno spoke softly. “Say hi to Johnny Hyung for me and Renjun.” the latter nodded while smiling. 

“Johnny takes such good care of you, it's cute.” and with that, they left.

Doyoung kept his smile on the way back. Renjun’s and Jeno's words, burning on his mind like branding iron, seemed to laugh at his face, but he didn't understand why. 

Doyoung wished he could tell them.

-

Despite having already finished his shift an hour ago, Doyoung continued to move his fingers quickly across the keyboard, following the letters that appeared on his computer screen with his eyes while dumping his ideas on the page. 

“Doyoung, our shift is over.” his coworker said, leaning on the doorframe.

Doyoung sighed tiredly as he rubbed his eyes.

“Right.”

Johnny's ringtone started, and Doyoung sighed again. Taeil looked at him with a frown, as if asking  _ 'Aren't you going to answer?' _ . Doyoung didn't know if he should.

He did anyways.

“Did something happen, love? You’re taking too long.” the familiar voice asked, and Doyoung counted to three before answering.

“I didn't see the time go by, I'm already leaving, baby.” he turned off the computer. 

Taeil whispered  _ 'Say hi to Johnny for me! _ ' excitedly as he turned off the lights.

“Taeil says hi!”

“Okay, I'll be waiting for you.” Doyoung knew he was smiling, and he wondered if things were okay. “Say hi to him too.” Johnny said before hanging up.

Doyoung soon left the building alongside Taeil as they chatted. They were about to part ways when Taeil held his hand delicately, and Doyoung bit his bottom lip.

“I’m happy for your engagement, Doie, it's good to see you with Johnny.” he looked serious but Doyoung could tell his words were true. “You are perfect for each other.” he smiled one last time before saying goodbye, waving at Doyoung. 

Doyoung felt like he was floating. He wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

Doyoung wished he could tell him.

-

The tension around them was palpable, but Johnny continued to hum along to the music on the radio while Doyoung tapped his fingers against his legs. Silence was present as they left the car, and despite the awkwardness, neither of them tried to start a conversation. Doyoung wished to go back in time, to a few hours ago, when he and Johnny were having fun with their friends at Taeyong's birthday party. The loud music, mixed with the dark environment and the drinks they had shared made everything seem magical, and the way they danced together made his body melt.

He felt Johnny's hand intertwining with his as he followed him down the hall. Johnny slowly opened the door, and as soon as Doyoung entered their shared apartment he felt his body slam against the door. The hand that once caressed his skin delicately now squeezed his neck. Doyoung wondered if he had done something wrong, maybe he had forgotten something important or paid too much attention to Jungwoo at the club. He didn’t know, but his lover’s fingers tightening around his neck was proof that something happened.

“Do you think I didn't notice?” his fiance's deep voice made his whole body shake. Doyoung did not have the courage to look at him. “You are shameless, Doyoung. Flirting with the bartender right in front of me, thinking I wouldn't notice... It was ridiculous, really.” 

The hand around his neck squeezed harder, and in a failed attempt to break free, Doyoung scratched Johnny's arms.

“I wasn't flirting with him, I swear.” his voice barely came out, and breathing was getting harder by the second.

Johnny let his neck go, making him fall to his knees, and Doyoung gasped for air while massaging his skin. Tears threatened to run down his face, but he refused to cry. Johnny’s slap echoed through the room, and Taeyong's words echoed in his head.

_ You are a lucky man, Doyoung. _

“You're disgusting.” Johnny’s voice cut through his memories, making him bleed on the inside. He felt another slap. “I was right beside you, and yet you were shooting him heart eyes, unbelievable.” Johnny laughed dryly, pulling Doyoung from the ground by the collar of his shirt. He could smell the alcohol on his breath. “You are such a cheap slut, I should leave and never come back.”

This time Jeno and Renjun appeared on his mind.

_ Johnny takes such good care of you. _

His body hit the ground again, and soon Johnny’s fist hit his face.

“Johnny, stop! Please, stop!” he pleaded, trying to cover his face with his arms. 

“I’m going out, hopefully, I’ll forget this disastrous night.” Johnny pushed Doyoung out of the way, opening the door. “Don't wait for me.”

The door closed with a loud  _ thump _ followed by silence, and Doyoung was motionless for a few minutes, just digesting what had happened.

He cried, as he always did. He couldn’t help but wonder if he had done something wrong during their years together. Johnny wasn't like that in the beginning.

Doyoung stood up slowly, feeling his whole body ache. Walking towards the bathroom was a challenge, he could barely open his eyes and his body was too weak. He looked at himself in the mirror and he could hear Taeil’s voice in the distance.

_ You are perfect for each other. _

And there, in the middle of the bathroom he shared with the man that caused him so much pain, Doyoung smiled to himself.

Doyoung wished he could tell them.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this, live a comment if you'd like! kuddos are highly appreciated.


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